(This is Part a pair of of a five-part series on addiction).
In Part 1 of this series of articles, I outlined substance and process addictions, and described the four major false beliefs that underlie most addictions:
1. I can’t handle my pain.
2. I’m unworthy and unlovable.
3. Others are my supply of love.
4. I can have management over how others feel concerning me and treat me.
This article addresses the first of those beliefs, and goes into the method of learning to manage your pain. Learning to manage pain is essential if you’re going to maneuver out of addictive behavior, since the intent of most addictive behavior is to avoid pain, coming from the assumption that you can not handle your pain.
Little kids have few skills in managing pain. Parents are supposed to be there to help them with painful situations. Loving folks help youngsters with pain by lovingly holding them, acknowledging their pain, hearing their pain, and soothing them in varied ways that, such “kissing it and creating it higher” when there’s a cut or scrape, and being in compassion for troublesome situations. Compassion toward a hurting child helps the child move through the pain and move on.
But, many adults had parents who, not solely failed to help them with their pain, but were the cause of the pain. When folks abandon youngsters with physical, emotional, and sexual abuse or neglect, youngsters are on their own concerning handling their pain. They are not receiving help and they have no role model for managing pain. When this is the case, addictions become the way to manage pain. Kids learn early to eat, drink or take medication to manage their pain. They learn early to numb out or act out with damaging or self-damaging behavior to avoid their pain. They may even learn to block out emotional pain by inflicting physical pain on themselves, such as cutting themselves.
So as to maneuver beyond destructive and self-harmful behavior, you need to be during a process of developing a loving inner parent – a loving adult self – capable of giving your hurting inner child what she never received as you were growing up. The loving Adult is who we have a tendency to are after we are connected with a strong non secular source of love, strength and wisdom.
Your inner kid is your feeling self. When you’re experiencing the unbearable pain of rejection, loneliness, aloneness and abandonment and the unbearable terror of helplessness, it means that you are that kid, with no inner adult to help you handle these terrible feelings. As an alone and terrified child, you may reach for no matter addiction has worked to sooth or block out the pain.
The reason the twelve-Step programs have worked thus well is because they assist individuals to open to a non secular source of strength. Without this source of strength, there is no manner to manage the pain without the addictions.
We have a tendency to teach a Six-Step method, called Inner Bonding, that works terribly well along with the 12-Steps to assist folks in recovery from addictions. (See www.innerbonding.com for a free course). The key to recovery is to create a loving and powerful inner adult self, capable of connecting with a non secular Supply of affection and compassion. The loving adult learns to bring to your hurting kid all the love and compassion you didn’t receive as a child.
Love and compassion don’t seem to be feelings that are generated from inside the body. These feelings are the essence of what God/Higher Power is. God is love, compassion, peace, truth and joy. After you open to learning regarding what’s loving to yourself, with a personal supply of non secular Steerage, you will begin to be in a position to bring through the love and compassion that you simply need.
Love and compassion is what you would like when you’re hurting. Substance and process addictions don’t fill the place among that desires love and compassion. Addictions just block out the pain of the inner abandonment you feel when you are not giving yourself the love and compassion you need. The required love and compassion is not going to return from another person. Regardless of how much you would like that somebody could give to you what you didn’t get as a child, it’s not going to happen. You wish to find out how to relinquish it to yourself. When you are doing, you will be well on your means to recovery from your addictions.
Learning how to heal core shame and offer yourself the love and compassion you need to live through your addictions is the main target of the remaining articles during this series.
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